i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
