At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i think i have two assholes
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
