I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
