You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
