Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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