She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
