So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
