i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
