You're a womanizer and a bitch.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
