Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize