You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
