Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize