no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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