I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
