Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
