She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
