I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize