you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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