You're my little dorito
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
