I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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