hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
