Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
