She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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