This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
