i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Randomize
