i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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