I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
