It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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