I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
