everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
