ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize