The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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