I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
