eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
