I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
