I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
