He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
