we have pet lesbian snakes
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
