R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
