Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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