Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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