I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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