omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
