My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
