dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
