mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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