When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
