he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
