i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
