Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize