Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I will be naked everywhere
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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