I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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