clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
