woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
