it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize