The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
