My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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