So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
